it gets easier, and then it gets okay, and then it feels like freedom

I wanted to write this post on Friday. On Friday, I made the decision to make some positive changes in my day to day life, including writing more. Friday was not a good day. 

I was in a weird and depressed mood. I have been in this mood for a long time, on and off. As hard as I fight it and as much as I try to push it away, it stays. 

This mood, or whatever it is, really drags me down. It causes me to criticize myself even more than I already do and makes me second guess every decision I make. 

Anyway, on Friday I was stuck in this yucky mood and struggling to get up off the couch as my daughter played and watched movies all day. Finally, when my husband got home from work (after I pouted for another hour or so, still in my pajamas), I picked out a cute outfit to wear, took a shower, and did my makeup. Doing that alone made me feel a little better. After that, my husband cleaned the kitchen while I cleaned the living room and Annabella's room. We made dinner, bathed Annabella, and put her to bed. 

Sometime in that time I decided that I don't want to have anymore days like that. 

Realistically, I am probably going to have more days like Friday. 

Starting now, I am going to get better. I am going to take better care of myself. I will love myself. Spiritually, physically, mentally, I will care for myself each day. 

It should be easy, but it isn't. I will try to write a blog post every day as I begin this journey of healing my heart and my mind. I will share my ups and downs and everything in between.