New Year 2022
The last 2 years have been really hard. And I know they weren’t just hard for me - it is a sentiment shared by many.
It’s so weird trying to come back to this space after a whole year away, so I won’t even pretend that I never left. I was so happy to have survived 2020, and then 2021 quickly showed me that I wasn’t done fighting yet. When I published my only post last year, I was attempting to homeschool my kindergartener while taking care of my 2-year-old and newborn. I was also drifting under the waves of postpartum depression. I had struggled with depression and anxiety during my pregnancy and was actually still on medication. Yet I found myself wanting to stay in bed as long as I could in the mornings, and daily tasks were becoming mountains.
That day last year, the day after my last post, I stayed in bed with the baby after Jeremy went to work. I fell back to sleep instead of getting up and starting my day. I was soon awoken by Jeremy. I panicked, thinking that I had slept all day and he was just getting home after 5pm. I was wrong - he had barely clocked into work when he was called into the manager’s office. After more than five years with the company, and so many unfulfilled promises of promotions and growth within the company, he was laid off.
We were so scared and shocked. I wanted him to move on from that company but I wasn’t expecting to have to do it so abruptly. We immediately sprung into action, looking for a new job for Jeremy and applying for assistance. Jeremy quickly started working side jobs as he waited to hear from prospective employers. Through this process we learned that not many employers pay a living wage. It felt so wrong turning down job offers because they didn’t pay enough to cover our rent. We saw from a different perspective how broken our world is. We also were not in a position that I could work as well.
During this time, I put all of my energy into taking care of my girls. I had nothing left for anything else. Jeremy and I did our best to keep our home a happy and safe place. There was no space for my postpartum depression. I had to fight it away with all of being. My life was consumed with nursing the baby, entertaining the 2-year-old, and doing my best to homeschool the 5-year-old. Also, attempting yet failing to keep our house clean.
Although we were worried, we made it work. When Jeremy wasn’t working side jobs, we had so much time together. We loved the family time. Jeremy was able to bond with our girls like he never had before. We didn’t allow the hardship of unemployment to tear our family apart. Our family grew stronger instead of crumbling. Jeremy was hired at a really cool start up company, but unfortunately his employment there only lasted a month due to over-hiring. We were crushed, but we kept moving forward.
Finally, Jeremy started another job in July. The hiring process was long and the training period even longer, but with this job, our family is taken care of. I can still stay home with our girls. He works nights, so that has been a major adjustment for us.
Our older two girls, now 3 and 6, started preschool and first grade at public school on August. That was not a decision we took lightly, but they love their teachers and classmates and are both learning so much. The baby is 1 now (14 months) and loves creating mischief.
I am feeling cautiously optimistic about 2022. My family is healthy. We get along most of the time ;). We may not know what the future holds, and that’s okay. If 2021 taught me one thing, it is to hold on to what matters most - each other.
