The day Addie was born started just like any other Sunday. Only, we weren’t going to church that day. And I was enormously pregnant.

I had been having pretty intense contractions all week long, so I knew Addie was coming soon. But the contractions never stayed consistent. I wasn’t having any contractions at all that day.

Anyway, we slept in that morning and then slowly got ready to go to a birthday party at a splash pad. We took our time getting there, stopping at Target to pick up a gift. I stayed in the car with Annabella while Jeremy ran in. Then we drove across town to the splash pad, almost a whole hour late to the party.

We had been there for maybe 20 minutes when Annabella needed to use the restroom. After she went, it was my turn. Something didn’t feel quite right. I looked in the toilet and it looked like my water may have broken. I didn’t actually feel it happen, so I didn’t say anything to Jeremy yet. Annabella and I washed our hands and went back out to the water. She needed help with something so I crouched down. My eyes grew wide as I felt a gush of liquid. I ran back to the bathroom and it kept flowing. I knew then that my water had broken. I told Jeremy and we quickly left the party.

So. There I was in my bathing suit, amniotic fluid gushing out. Luckily, I had a towel with me. Unfortunately, my hospital bag was not in the car. We drove all the way home to pick up my bag and grab a couple of things. I called Labor & Delivery and told them my water had broken, and the nurse assured me I had time to take a shower and grab some lunch before coming in. I decided to skip the shower since I was already soaking wet and anxious to get to the hospital. I scarfed down a sub sandwich on the way to the hospital and tried not to show my emotions, because Annabella was still with us and I didn’t want her to worry.

I was scared, and I suddenly felt so unprepared to have this baby.

Once we got to the hospital, I waddled to the elevators, in my bathing suit and a t-shirt, dripping all the way. The nurses took their time admitting me and I waited for my family to arrive. Jeremy’s dad came and picked up Annabella and I tried to relax. Still, I felt no contractions.

I took several laps around the floor and we even tried dancing. It helped a little, but not enough.

Eventually, my nurse broke the news that my doctor wanted to start administering pitocin. This was not what I wanted to hear. Since my water broke but my contractions were inconsistent and not very strong, my risk of getting infection was getting higher every hour that passed. My body needed help to go into labor.

My main concern was that I didn’t want to feel trapped to the hospital bed. With Annabella, my water broke and I was administered pitocin right away. Because I had to be continuously monitored, I was stuck in the bed. I didn’t know how else to cope with the pain so I immediately asked for the epidural.

I shared my concerns with the nurses, so they hooked me up to a portable fetal monitor. I was able to stand and sway and sit on the birthing ball. 

Of course I eventually had to get in the bed. I prayed for Addie in between contractions. I asked God for strength. I asked Him to be in that room with me. I did have some pain reliever, but it hardly took the edge off of the contractions. It made me very loopy and I told everyone in the room that I loved them. It also made me forget to breathe and all of the alarms on my machines kept going off, so at some point I had to wear an oxygen mask.

Before I knew it, it was almost time push. Actually, I decided it was time to push. My doctor ran in the room and we all heard the loudest scream from another mother in the unit. Hearing that other mom scream gave me the strength to also scream. It felt like I had permission to let it all go. My doctor ran out of the room to deliver that mom’s baby and I cried and screamed through the worst pain I have ever felt as I impatiently waited to push.

My doctor came back in, scrubbed, did whatever else she needed to do (my eyes were closed) and then I pushed and screamed and pushed with all of my might. I pushed for about 8 minutes and then…

She was here.

A peace came over me. Going from that awful, horrible pain, to complete joy… it didn’t feel real. But there she was. Perfect and cute and small, yet chubby.

As I labored and gave birth, I had a playlist of songs playing in the background. One song that had really helped me through the end of my pregnancy was “Fear is a Liar” by Zach Williams. When I would start to feel fear about my impending labor, I would listen to and sing this song, so I put it on my labor playlist.

I put fear aside as I birthed my daughter, and I felt strong. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, and it was so worth it.